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It’s a funny thing about life, you would think that as you get older and wiser that life would become less complicated. Alas, it’s just not true.  And if you’re a single dad, you likely know this fact better than anyone.

You were, at one point, in love with your dating sites ex. You made beautiful children together. And somewhere along the way you and your ex fell out of love and left each other — sort of. Unlike those heady years before you were a dad, when falling out of love simply meant moving on to the next woman, your ex isn’t going anywhere. Why? Well, it seems that you both have something very much in common — you both infinitely love your children and do not want to be separated or removed from them.

You’ve moved on and are dating other women. Now there’s your ex and your girlfriend(s) to work, deal and negotiate with — however you want to put it. And as a newly single father, negotiate you will. Here are my musings on the topic.

Free Online Dating Sites - Dealing With Your Ex

Acknowledge and respect that your ex is here to stay : Free Online Dating Sites

To be able to relate to the new dating sites woman in your life unfettered, you need to come to terms with the fact that, because you have a child with her, you and your ex will likely know each other for the rest of your lives.

Acknowledging that fact is the first step to (some kind of) inner peace. Now that I think of it, the “until death do us part” in most wedding vows does hold true. If you are parents, then you’re tied together, despite being separated. Even if you and your ex are not the best of friends, which is sometimes the case, there’s no point walking around in denial and pretending like she doesn’t exist while negotiating your love life with another woman or women. Your ex does exist and there’s a 99% chance that your children are happy that she’s still around.

The acceptance of your ex as an amicable lifetime partner clears the way for personal growth, both yours and your child’s.

Your ex needs to be assured that she is your child’s mom: Free Online Dating Sites

It’s something that all us single dads dread: Our exes finding a man to replace us as our child’s father figure. You know damn well who the father of your baby is — it’s you. And while I subscribe to the adage that no child can be loved too much, even if that love is emanating from the new man in your ex’s life, there are some hurts that can’t be softened by left-brain logic. If your ex is smart, she will always go to great lengths to assure you that you are the daddy in both title and deed.

So again we visit a quid pro quo moment: Don’t do anything that makes your ex think that she is losing her baby to the new dating sites woman in your life either. Your new love interest is not your child’s mother, so avoid promoting activities that can be construed by your ex as sacred mother-child stuff.

Try to avoid these motherly outings with your new woman:

Going to restaurants you went to as a happy family.
Having your new girlfriend read to your child in bed.
Traveling to the same places and resorts you went to as a family.
Vacationing together in the same cottage you spent happy summers together as a family.

Your new woman knows she’s sharing you with an ex
Surely you realize that your new gal pal knows that you will always be connected to another woman in your life. Isn’t that amazing? The new woman in your life likes you so much that she is willing to share you.

So I ask you, what are you going to do to return the favor? I’ll suggest what you shouldn’t do. Don’t ever compare your new woman to your ex in any way, shape or form. I promise you, she doesn’t want to be compared to your ex. Why? Women have this primal, tribal thing happening and their first instinct is to defend their tribe — of woman. It’s an unwritten code; a result of the Jupiter and Saturn, Neptune and Uranus, Venus and Mars thing. Women, like men, know that they’re different from one another.

I could go on and on about how our brains, human instincts, chromosomal makeup, and DNA mappings are different, but my favorite and most intellectual conclusion that I have worked out since pondering the male-female conundrum in the past 30 years is this: Women are crazy and men are stupid. Feel free to write to me and vent your rage.

It doesn’t matter what you’re saying about your ex, at the end of the day you’re still talking about another woman. Your new woman is going to say to herself, “It doesn’t matter what the hell he’s saying, he once fell in love with her, he once had hot sex with her and she’s there with him forever in some way or another.” This may threaten your new relationship, so be careful.
Your ex should not meet your new lover before it’s time
Introducing your new lover to your ex is as sensitive a topic as introducing your new lover to your child. More often than not, there are residual and painful feelings between you and your ex. If there’s a remote chance that she might be hurt when she sees you with a new woman, there’s no need to stick it in her face and deepen the hurt — no matter how tempted you may be. And at the end of the day, it’s the children who are always impacted by wounded parents.

So, if your ex is coming to pick up your children, and the relationship with your new girlfriend is in its genesis stage, it may be safer for all concerned to politely ask your new woman to disappear. Once the hurt feelings between you and your ex have passed, and your ex is once again ready to support and root for you, then, by all means, make the introduction.

Finally, single-parent life can be complicated for children. Until your child is ready to see you with another woman, after enough time has passed and trust has been established, keep your ex and the new woman in your life apart.
Save some dough for the new woman in your life
Remember when you were single and unhappy, and you didn’t care about the fact that all your clothes had stains on them — and not the kind you were proud of?

At that time you thought nothing of peeling off a few extra bills for your ex, because you weren’t getting stroked and poked and you were in that “I don’t give a sh*t” mood. Ah, the good ol’ days. Having a new woman in your life means new clothes (especially underwear), meals in restaurants, nights out at the movies, and some great, romantic road trips. In other words, while it’s essential to live up to your financial obligations as a single dad supporting his children, pause before you peel off too many extra Thomas Jefferson’s.

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This entry was posted on Friday, March 5th, 2010 at 6:06 am and is filed under Adult Dating Service, Australia Adult Dating, dating, Free Dating Service, german dating, online dating, Online Dating Service, Online Personals, Sexy Dating Girls, Singles Sex Dating.

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